SUBMISSION ONE
'“Is it wrong for me to still be grieving friendships from years ago? I see them on social media and reminisce on what time we had together and how much I miss them. I miss talking to them, hanging out with them, being a part of their life in general. I dunno, its been a rocky road and I know my pride gets in the way sometimes, but I find myself so often just thinking about them and what my life would look like if we were still friends.”
First, thank you for being my first submission, I’m grateful you felt like I could provide some valuable insight to this topic! I pray my perspective proves to be beneficial to you. Now onto the question. I don’t think it’s “wrong”. It is natural to miss what you once had, especially if it was truly valuable to you. I think we shouldn’t focus so much on if certain feelings are ‘right’ vs ‘wrong’. Instead ask yourself, are these feelings that I’m holding onto conducive to a healthy mental state? Is the grief that you are holding onto from these past relationships taking up so much space in your heart that you are not making room for the friendships that God has for you? Is the grief that you are holding onto causing you to miss out on opportunities for more connections? Feelings are normal, we just have to be diligent in not allowing feelings to get in the way of what God has for us. Sometimes God is trying to take us to the next level and we miss out because we can’t stop looking behind us. You can feel the feelings, just don’t stay there.
Isaiah 43:18 says, “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. 19. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
On the other side of this, is what you mentioned, pride. If you are still grieving friendships from years ago then I think it is fair to say that those people made a real impact on you. You could still be feeling a “pull” towards them because you are supposed to make it right. If the friendship added value to you, then it may be worth it to reach out and have a conversation with them. Is the friendship so far gone that it can’t be reconciled? Chances are, it’s not. You shouldn’t let your pride get in the way of putting yourself back out there. Honestly, they might miss you too and just not feel comfortable trying to come back around because they are unsure of how you would respond. The fear of rejection causes us to miss out on so much. Worst case scenario, you reach out and are vulnerable with them about how you feel, they decide the friendship isn’t worth reconciliation, then what? You're embarrassed and they hate you? No! You get to choose your perspective. I always say embarrassment is a choice. You get to choose whether you will identify with feelings of shame and embarrassment and allow those feelings to form your decisions OR you can look at every opportunity as a room for growth and acknowledge it with gratitude. Now you get to move on with clarity about their feelings (and more importantly, yours) and you now know that there is another friendship out there that is meant for you. God is never going to take away without giving you something better. Rejection is often protection.
If I were in this scenario and they rejected my offer of reconciliation, my prayer, in short, would be; “Lord, I thank you for the opportunity to experience this type of friendship at this level. I thank you for the memories and experiences you allowed me to make with them. I thank you for everything I gained while being friends with them and every lesson that was necessary for me to learn. I know that everything is working together for my good and I trust that you have my best interest at heart. As I close this chapter, what did you want me to learn from this friendship? How should I approach and handle my next friendships? What is it that you were trying to reveal to me through this friendship? ”
Gratitude is the attitude that releases more. By choosing gratitude, you will begin to see life in a lens that allows you to experience the blessings that are right in front of you waiting to be received.
We also have to realize that the decisions people make have nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. If they decide they don’t want to be your friend anymore that doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, or they hate you, or you’re unlovable. It means that this particular friendship is not meant to go with you to your next. People have to do what they feel is best for them and people’s decisions are not a testament to your character.
I’ve heard that grief is love with nowhere to go. You can choose to channel those feelings into a more productive space. Use that grief as fuel to try something different, to reflect, to work even harder, to push yourself to your next. Being uncomfortable is where we grow.
TH
Feel free to email me at @readbetweenthehines@gmail.com if you ever want to further this discussion. Be sure to submit your own confession, ask for advice, or share your thoughts at the link above, thanks for reading!