Whew this a a loaded one. First, thank you for your submission, I was just saying how I was looking forward to receiving another one! I pray that whatever insight or advice I share is exactly what you need to hear. 

First off it’s never really a matter of wrong or right because only you know what’s best for you. You should instead ask was this decision the most conducive to where I am trying to go? Is this decision in alignment with the future I am trying to build?

I am sorry to hear all that you went through, I hope your situation is much better now, while I can’t relate to everything I definitely see some of myself in you. We share a lot of similarities actually. I relate heavily to dealing with depression and anxiety. I’ve dealt with seasonal depression since my senior year of high school and anxiety is a feeling I am all too familiar with as I deal with it regularly. I grew up sheltered, as well. Additionally, I am naturally introverted and prefer to stay to myself, and I use isolation as a coping mechanism and means of protection. I already kind of naturally isolate myself because I really do enjoy my own company, but when I feel a threat to my emotional wall I’ve built I use isolation as a shield to protect myself, even before anything happens. Whether somebody said something I didn’t like, I got rejected from a job, my feelings got hurt- It didn’t matter what, if it made me feel uncomfortable, I immediately put my guard up, which isn’t necessarily healthy. In doing this, I noticed that every time I was truly struggling, no one was able to help me because I was too busy trying to help myself and fix what I didn’t even really know was wrong. I realized that in putting up those walls it was like being in a 10 foot pool with an electric fence; no one could get in to save me and I couldn’t get out to save myself. The isolation was causing me to miss out on the help that God sent me that I couldn’t see. I think isolation is one of the tricks the enemy uses to get you stuck in your head. When you isolate all you can hear is your own thoughts and that can be detrimental when all your thoughts are negative. Sometimes your breakthrough is in someone else and you need them to pull you out because you can’t on your own. I also noticed that my tendency to isolate was causing a rift in my friendships. Though my friends have an understanding of my introverted nature and tendency to isolate, they didn’t have an understanding of the inner workings of my mind. So while I was silently struggling, they were too, but their struggle was with the idea that they felt I couldn’t trust them to be a friend to me, they struggled thinking that I didn’t like them.

I think sometimes we miss the impact of our actions being so focused on our intention. Of course, when you choose to isolate yourself you are just trying to do what you feel is best to deal with everything you have going on, but  you don’t see the impact your isolation can have on the ones around you. 

Without saying a single word, you are communicating. Your body language, your energy, your mannerisms, everything you do is sending a message. So,  isolating without communication can send a message that you don’t trust them or you don’t want them in their life. Isolating without communication leaves room for that person to settle with thoughts around your actions that may not be intentional. Because they are unsure of your feelings, it is easier to believe negative thoughts about what is going on. 

I dealt with something a little similar and felt “well everyone knows how I am and doesn’t take it personal, so they shouldn’t feel any type of way either”. That situation quickly taught me to never assume every friendship is the same. What works for one friendship may not work for another. With the majority of my friends we can go months without talking to each other because of the relationship we established, and even though I have established that same relationship with others I know that they may need to hear from me more frequently to still feel as loved, in turn requiring more of my time. Because of this won’t go the same amount of time without talking to them that I do with other friendships, that doesn’t mean I love them more, it just means each friendship requires something different from you. No matter how fair we think we are, it is impossible to approach every friendship the exact same way, as every friendship meets us at a different space in time. While you may be giving your ‘all’ in every friendship, sometimes your all at that time is 50% while at another it's 100%.  Every friendship should be treated individually and every action you take in the friendship should have that particular friend at the forefront of your mind. Especially, for friendships where you consider them to be close as ‘sisters’, you shouldn’t approach that friendship the same way you do your others because you hold them in a higher regard. 

(SIDEBAR: I am very wary of calling people my sister in friendships. I think it can sometimes create a false sense of comfort-ability, make people feel like they deserve a level of vulnerability from you that wasn’t fully established and it can leave space for them to be derogatory towards you in the name of ‘sisterhood.’) 

Also, don’t expect yourself out of people. While you may understand why someone would choose to isolate, that is based on your own understanding and experiences and everyone doesn’t live within the same context that you do. How you view a situation is not how others will, which is why it is important to approach every friendship with an open heart, renewed perspective, a clean slate and to verbally communicate what you expect. 

Unspoken expectations lead to resentment. I always have to catch myself when I say something like “I don’t know why she’s acting like that, she knows I love her” because what if she doesn’t. Your understanding may not be her’s. Also, things change! Time passes, things happen, lives shift and what was your initial understanding may shift as the friendship evolves. This is why it is so important to always be communicating your feelings and reestablishing boundaries when necessary, especially when it’s situations that could lead to the end of your relationship or especially if you felt a shift in the dynamic. It doesn’t hurt to tell someone again what it is, maybe they need the reminder. I know my family knows I love them because of the understanding and conversations we have, but it doesn’t hurt to say it again, especially after moments where our actions and treatment towards each other doesn’t align with the love we have. Regular ‘temperature checks’ have been great for my friendships, especially after major shifts in our lives. 

Now while I do think she may be being petty with blocking you, I acknowledge that we don’t get to control people’s reaction to being hurt. We just get to adjust accordingly to the behavior presented. To have gotten to the point where y’all are close as sisters, I think this could've been handled better on both parts. You are supposed to be able to go to your sister in times of struggle, so maybe she felt hurt that you didn’t talk to her. However, as your ‘sister’ she is supposed to know you, and she is also supposed to be concerned about your well-being. I would never go more than a few days without hearing from my sister and she definitely could have reached out when she realized she hadn’t heard from you. It’s even worse that the times she did reach out had nothing to do with even checking if you're okay because clearly her feelings weren’t hurt then if she felt comfortable enough to text you about a birthday party. This friendship doesn’t really seem like sisterhood because typically for sisters being there for each other trumps pettiness. I think you should reevaluate the level of friendship you all truly built. How people act towards you when they are upset says a lot about their character, but being hurt does also warrant out of character reactions. If you typically isolate, I am assuming ya’ll have had conversations about that, so she knows it wasn’t malicious. Then once you reached back out to her, I am assuming you made it clear that your isolation wasn’t malicious, so what would be the purpose in blocking you? Blocking a ‘sister’ is kind of childish anyways because what if something happened? I would assume that she doesn’t want to be connected to you anymore and is willing to let pride be the end of your friendship. When people feel rejected, they start to try to beat you to the punch sometimes, so she could’ve just blocked you to be like ‘I’m gonna show her’ or to try to beat you to what she thought you were doing. But who really wants a friend like that? Who wants a sisterhood that in moments of uncertainty, you make it about you? Who wants a friendship where pettiness trumps well-being? Who wants a friendship that can’t be mature? Who wants a friendship with no grace, no understanding, no compassion? 

You said that y’all bonded over your breakups, maybe the friendship’s purpose was to help you through that. Maybe you both got everything you needed within the friendship and it no longer serves you and the place you’re headed. It’s important to understand that every friendship has a purpose and a season. Some friends are meant for forever and some friends are lessons, some friends are for a certain time in life and when you elevate from that space, it’s important to release what no longer serves you with gratitude. (Go read my prayer for releasing old friendships under Full Disclosure: Submission One). 

I can’t tell you if the friendship is worth saving because I can’t tell you what they have been to you. What I can tell you is that if you do choose to move forward and extend an olive branch, make sure you’re not the only one who is willing to do that. Make sure that you are in a friendship that knows when to extend grace to each other. Make sure you're in a friendship with someone that is committed to growth. If y’all put this behind you make sure y’all use this time to reflect on what you can do differently to prevent this from happening again. This is a great time to re-establish your friendship dynamic and boundaries and to also decide if it’s really a sisterhood or just friends. If it’s a sisterhood, establish what you expect out of a sister and if it’s a friendship establish what you expect from each other as friends. 

TH

Thanks for reading! Feel free to email me at readbetweenthehines@gmail.com to talk further. Have your own advice to offer to the reader? Leave a comment below! If you have you own topic you want to discuss, need advice or just want to share something head over to Full Disclosure and submit your own anonymous message.