The Stretch

This Summer, after my junior year of college, with God’s counsel, I made the decision to quit my job at home and not work at my job at school. 

This was not easy as I have been working since the Summer before I went to college and I had gotten comfortable with having a steady income. I was used to depending on my checks to pay for all my maintenance and all the things I want/wanted to do. I was comfortable. I felt very independent, like I almost didn’t need anyone, being able to somewhat sustain myself (just the “baby bills” y'all– food, toiletries, hair, clothes, makeup etc). However, once I returned back to my job, the summer after my sophomore year of college, things felt different. I felt uncomfortable at my job, like I didn’t belong. Now to be honest, when I started the job, I knew that I was different from the people I worked with. Being a host at Cracker Barrel wasn’t necessarily the best place to meet like-minded people, but they always made me feel comfortable. The atmosphere was genuinely like a family and I was everyone’s baby, they looked out for me and truly took care of me, I loved (still do) the people I worked with. They taught me so much about myself and others, they showed me that no matter how different we are we all bleed the same, they showed me that God calls you to unconventional places, they showed me that everyone deserves a community. But, despite my love for my coworkers, once I returned to my position that summer, I felt like I had outgrown the space. It felt like my job there was complete. 

Now, even though I felt all these feelings, I also was very considerate of my circumstances. I knew that I had carts full of stuff online that I wanted to buy, I knew there were bundles I wanted to purchase, I knew I was going to need to eat when I got back to school. So, I stayed at that job. And, I was miserable. My patience was thin with the guests, with management, and with my co-workers. Every-day at work was torture. I dreaded going in and I almost cried tears of joy when I was off. I felt like a lion in a cage, conformed to the idea of “Pleasing People”, yet displeasing God. I knew that God would never lead me to a place that left me miserable, just for the sake of money, the lowest form of currency. I knew it was time to go and it wasn’t fair to the people around me to show up the way that I was, so after that summer, I told myself I would go back for Winter Break and then be done with the job.

 I had no idea the level of faith it was going to require.

Fast forward to this past May, I had already settled in my spirit that I wasn’t returning to my at-home job (Cracker Barrel), but my job at school was still in question. I was stuck between working at my school job for the Summer and saving up or coming home with little-to-no income and being present in the things God has called me to back in Virginia. 

School ended and I decided to come home for about two weeks and drive back to Baltimore for a Marketing Event and then make my decision on what I was going to do. In between this, I had also been applying to internships and I coincidentally had an interview during the week I was visiting Baltimore for the event. Once I got back to school, I knew that I didn’t want to spend my Summer there. I knew that home was where I was supposed to be, but I was still kind-of torn because I wanted to make sure I was making the right and most responsible decision for my future (which by the book, would be doing a summer internship). I spoke with my mom and told her that if I ended up getting the internship, I would probably just stay in Baltimore because logically it made the most sense. Why go back to a place where I have no income or tangible in-field experience, when I can be somewhere I was making so many business connections at and helping advance my career. 

I had my interview and out of over 70 applicants, I got the internship. I was so happy. The pay was nice. It wasn’t far from where I lived. It would give me experience to put on my resume. I was proud of myself for putting myself out there (y’all know I’m an introvert) and I was proud that they felt I would do a good and adequate job in the role. Now if you’ll notice, all the feelings I felt were related to MY pride and ego. Nowhere in my whole experience of getting that internship, was God truly at the forefront. God convicted me about that. 

The day I received the offer letter, May 24th, I prayed about it, but I already knew what I was supposed to do deep down. I turned down the internship offer and drove 5 hours back home with one last check meant to hold me over until school starts again. Despite this looking like the wrong choice, it felt so right. I knew what God asked me to do and I knew that as long as I was obedient, He would sustain me. I wasn’t sure how it was all going to work out, I just knew that it would. 

I came home and threw myself into everything that gave me purpose. I served more than I ever had, I listened better than I ever did, I gave more than I ever thought I could, I worked to change the things I didn’t like about myself and the things that weren’t the best representation of God in me. Two weeks after coming home, I launched my blog. 

I can’t even tell you how much my blog has changed my life. This blog renewed the purpose in me that I pushed down. Before I even went to school, it was prophesied to me that I would be an author and my mom always said she saw me writing. The reaction from my first post, “Boxes” and my overall launch confirmed that I was right where God wanted me to be. I can’t tell you how many people have told me my blog has been a blessing to them, people I never thought would even pay attention to what I had to say, people that were fully grown– dealing with real life and REAL bills. My gift allowed the God in me to shine through and was used to bring glory to Him; the feeling was indescribable. 

I thought being at school would prepare me, but I had no idea that there was preparation I was already under-going being home. I had no idea the confidence that would be instilled in me as a result of being home. I had no idea the skills I would develop that can be applied to any field I pursue. I didn’t know how much of my purpose would be confirmed with being at home. I didn’t yet see the joy I would wake up with every day choosing to live for God and myself, unapologetically. My life only consisted of doing the things that God asked me to; serving at church (as Media Director, Youth Coordinator and Singing on the Praise Team) and advancing my blog (writing, marketing etc) and it felt amazing. 

It felt like a Re-birth. A Renaissance. The Beginning of an Era. 

Despite all this confirmation for me and despite how much my faith in God had been enlarged, thoughts of doubt still creeped in. As the summer went on, even though all my needs were supplied, I still felt like I wasn’t going to be ready, financially for school. There was still stuff I wanted that I didn’t see a way for it to be paid for. In the back of my mind, all I could think about was how?? How am I going to take care of myself when I get back to school? How am I going to have money to spend? I was used to getting these things one way and I couldn’t see any other option. 

I come from entrepreneurs. I knew that there were a bunch of ways to make money on the side, I did hair on the side anyway, but I still didn’t see a way for me to be prepared in the way I wanted to be. 

So against my better judgment and God’s Will, I emailed my supervisor at my school job to get a contract to return to work for the Summer. I wasn’t happy, but it felt like what I needed to do. Most of July, I tried to mentally prepare to return to work and I was okay. Until I wasn’t. The night I was supposed to go back to school, after I loaded my car up and everything, I lost it. Normally it’s hard for me to go back to school, but this time was awful. Going back to school felt so heavy in my spirit. That night, when I was supposed to be on the road, I cried to God (and my mom & sister) because I didn’t want to go back to school just to work for money before school even started. 

I told God I didn't want money to be my main reason for doing anything; I asked God to show me the ways I can provide for myself while still being home & what I can do to make sure I'm ready for school. He told me to relax & it was already covered. He affirmed in me that He had a million ways to bless me. So, I emailed my boss that I wasn’t going to be able to come back. 

The very next day, I got a business idea that I launched a few hours later, received my first order a couple hours after that and I'm already 25% into my goal for what I wanted to go back to school with. Then, later that evening, I got another opportunity to make money from home doing what I already do. This is stuff I couldn’t see, but was right in my face all along and as soon as I asked for clarity I got it. It’s no coincidence, Hebrews 11:1 has been ringing in my spirit & I see angel numbers (specifically 111) all day. 

And this is not even all He’s going to do for me. 

It wasn’t a magic trick, I didn’t all of a sudden wake up rich, but God is always showing me that when you ask, He answers (& has been answering).  These opportunities were always around me, but I could not see them. Your answer is always going to be inside of you! You already have everything you need & sometimes you just have to ask Him to show you what’s already in you. 

Oftentimes, we expect God to move with no participation from us, except prayer. We love to pray and then after that wait for God to magically drop a solution. Or we try to rush into something when we feel like God isn’t moving fast enough or is ignoring our prayers (which He never is). The honest truth is that you're probably asking God about something He already gave you an answer for. Just because the answer comes in a form you are unfamiliar with does not mean it isn't from God. When you pray, you have to know that it may not go how you want it to go, but it’s answered. 

When you pray for wisdom, He places you around idiots, where making the dumb decision is easy. When you pray for discipline, He makes your entire morning go wrong and you still have to gather the strength to go to work. When you pray for understanding, He makes somebody hurt your feelings so bad your heart aches and still urges you to forgive. When you pray for your attitude to be better expect people to irritate you like never before. 

God is always putting your development at the forefront. He is always prioritizing your growth, as my dad says. He isn’t going to magically give you what you asked for, He is going to strategically place opportunities for the things you asked for to be revealed to you, FROM you. He gives you the opportunity to see what’s already in you that you keep asking Him for. 

Stop praying the same prayer, He heard you. He hears you. Now, meet him. Now, trust Him and don’t move until you know it’s Him. Ask God to expand your foresight, so you can see the ways in front of you that He is already answering your prayers. 

TH

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